


Nothing Makes Your Hurt, Like Hurting Who You Love

by Hollerfield_Osterland



Category: British Singers RPF, One Direction (Band), Sweet Creature - Harry Styles (Song)
Genre: Angst, Can't be bothered with tags, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, M/M, ex boyfriends, i'll add more later, trust me this is not a bad story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:21:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28698330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hollerfield_Osterland/pseuds/Hollerfield_Osterland
Summary: People used to say they were made for each other. They used to call them soulmates, partners, boyfriends, husbands even. They sang alongside each other for 5 years straight. The smiles on their faces as they sang on stage together in unison, was something words couldn’t describe.The only thing Harry's ever wanted is to be back with the boy he once loved and has never stopped loving since. But times have changed, people have changed yet Harry knows love will never change and he knows if he scrapes to the very bottom of the surfaces he'll find that same 18 year old boy he fell in love with.Not everything easy though is it?It's inevitable everything that's good comes to an endIt's impossible to know if after this we can still be friends, yeah - Love You Goodbye
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	1. You and Me Got a Whole Lot of History

**Author's Note:**

> First Larry fic. Hope y'all enjoy this.

People used to say they were made for each other. They used to call them soulmates, partners, boyfriends, husbands even. They sang alongside each other for 5 years straight. The smiles on their faces as they sang on stage together in unison, was something words couldn’t describe. 

It all started that day on stage, after Simon decided that instead of being an individual artist, he was going to give Harry another chance by putting him with four other boys. Of course Harry, at the time, was more excited about getting another chance and too busy worrying about the future to ever imagine that he might just meet the love of his life doing it. Harry clearly remembered jumping in delight when he realised he wouldn’t be leaving. And he also clearly remembered blushing a deep red, when one of the other boys, smirked at him. 

**August 21 2010**

Harry walked into the room, Simon’s hand on his lower back. It made the almost 17 year old feel incredibly uncomfortable, but he would never say that to Simon. As he opened the door, the first thing he saw when he looked around was the boys looked around the same age as him, which was always a good start. They all looked a little familiar and considering they were fellow contestants he’d seen them around, except now it was different. They were a team and going forward from here they’d have to work together. Though it was the boy at the back that got Harry's emotions in a twist , a brunette standing a bit behind everyone else. His shiny fringe flat against his forehead, he was a little bit taller than Harry and he looked like he was around 18 or 19. His blue eyes gleaming under the studio lights, looking like the ocean on a clear day. If Harry really squinted he could see the sparkles of where the sun reflected off the water. In other words Harry was lost in this boy's eyes and was only broken from his trance when Simon spoke. 

“Harry, this is Niall, Liam, Zayn and the boy standing at the back being unsocial is Louis” Simon grumbled, shoving Harry in a bit. 

Harry did a little yelp and stepped in to avoid being shoved further, although he made sure he didn’t take his eyes off the pretty blue eyed boy at the back.   
“Hi” The boys chimed, and Harry gave a shy smile.

“Come on Curly, give us a smile” Louis piped up, and Harry blushed so red he had to look down to stop everyone seeing him in his state of embarrassment. “Eyyy, you’re the kid I met in the bathroom earlier. Right?” Louis exclaims, and if it was even possible his smile widened when Harry nodded again, as he thought back to the horrific moment where he very nearly peed on the older lad.   
Simon left the boys to get to know each other a little and Harry eventually looked up. 

The blonde boy was the first to step forward. 

“I’m Niall” He said, extending his hand, his thick Irish accent making Harry feel a little more comfortable. There was something about this boy and his fake blonde hair that made Harry feel a little more accepted in this group of boys who’d clearly already got to know each other. 

“I’m Zayn” a slightly darker skinned boy with black hair said, and Harry smiled. “That’s Liam, behind me and at the back is-“ 

“Yea yea I’m sure Curly already knows my name” Louis cut off and Harry smiled, he was liking this sassy blue eyed boy more and more. 

“H-Harry” He stuttered, and the boys each gave him their own quizzical face. 

“Call me Harry” Harry said, his voice less shaky. 

“I think Curly sounds better” Louis said, ruffling a hand through Harry’s curly chocolate locks to prove his point.

Harry blushed again and Louis smirked. This was going to be fun…

________

Chapter 1;

 **2017 - 2 years after One Direction fell apart**

Harry tossed and turned as his night terrors wrapped him in a blanket, so tight he could barely breathe. He rasped and struggled, trying to get some oxygen down into his system, before he woke with a shout. 

“Louis?” He whispered and when there was no reply he lay back down. Tears threatened his vision and began streaming down his face. Countless nights of no sleep and countless nights of waiting, hoping and having horrible dreams. The past 2 years had been a constant fight for him. His hands made their way to his hair where he tugged at his curls hoping if he pulled hard enough the pain would disappear and he’d fill that empty void in his heart. It never went away though, in fact if anything it only got worse. The worst part was that Harry constantly had to pretend he was ok, when he really was not ok. 

He got up and went to the kitchen turning the lights on and filling up his jug with water. He was in LA at the moment, so here he was all by himself in his eerily quiet work place. He hated to call his LA home “Home” because it just never truly felt like home. Home was in Cheshire, London, Doncaster and although he hated to admit it… home was in the arms of a boy who was two years older than him. Home was where he could get lost in those crystal blue eyes as the boy who held his heart in his palm smiled at something. Home was getting into bed after a long day and having warm comforting arms engulf you so you feel small and loved. Home was drinking hot cups of English Breakfast tea while sitting in his lap. Home was wherever he was. 

Where he was right now, was very far from home.   
  
Harry shook his head, and ruffled his morning curls. Well I don’t know if you could really define 3am as morning but never mind. The jug stopped boiling and Harry grabbed a mug before lifting the kettle off it’s holder and pouring it into his cup. He was brought back to reality when a scolding hot substance touched his hand and he squealed a not so manly squeal, before quickly putting the boiling water down and running his hand under some cold water. Squeezing his eyes shut, he released a little sigh of relief when the water cooled his hand. 

________

After a terrible nights sleep Harry had dark rims around his emerald green eyes and that shine he usually had wasn’t there. Mind you that shine he’d once had, had disappeared 2 years ago, along with his heart, this so called emotion “Love” and Louis Tomlinson. All four of those things were basically what made Harry… Harry. So when they slowly seeped out of his life, everyone who’d been a constant in his life noticed. It impacted him in more ways than one. 

The last time he’d seen Louis was on the 7th of December last year when Louis’ mum had passed away and Harry couldn’t bare seeing Louis in tears like that so he had to leave and get some fresh air. Louis ended up having yet another argument with him about how he shouldn’t keep trying to be the centre of attention and when Harry turned around crying Louis scoffed and replied “it wasn’t your mother who died” and Harry left crying even more. Louis knew that Jay was as close to Harry as she was to her own son and those words ripped Harry to pieces. What Harry didn’t know was that Louis spent the entire night after that crying himself at how horrible he’d been towards the one he loved and how he should’ve been happy that his ex boyfriend even came to support him at all. 

Although he knew Harry wouldn’t have missed being there for Louis - especially after his mum has just passed - for the world. Louis didn’t stop crying after that and Lottie had to force sleeping pills down his throat and carry him to bed for him to fall asleep. Louis missed him more than anything, and his mum had been the only one to know what had happened, shit even the boys didn’t know why they’d broken it off. He’d spend hours sitting by her bedside in the hospital pouring out his heart to her while she smiled softly and gently comforted him now and then by squeezing his hand ever so slightly to remind him she was still listening. Sometimes he’d lie next to her while she slept and cry himself to sleep knowing he was loosing her, second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. 

It hit him harder than he ever would’ve thought to actually loose her and the moment her heart stopped the only thing Louis wanted was to be wrapped in those “horrendously long arms” and reach up and bury his face in the younger boys shoulder. He knew Harry would hold him and whisper sweet nothings into his ear and tell him how much he loved him. But that was never going to happen. Not now, not ever.


	2. But, Baby, Running After You is Like Chasing the Clouds

_2017 Victoria Secret show_

Pulling the black turtle neck up to hide the purple marks on his neck, Louis buttoned his blazer up and brushed off some non existent lint from his trousers. 

“Ready babe?” He called, flinching at his own use of the word “babe,” brushing it off anyway. 

“Of course I am” she called walking back through the door, her long dark brown hair falling straight down her shoulders. She had slight curls falling over her neck and down her collar bone. She wore a dress the exact same colour as his suit with mesh sleeves covering her arms and shoulders. 

“El, you look amazing” he complimented and she smiled. 

“Thanks Lou” she paused before examining his neck. She visibly winces and he looks down, the memory of last night flashing through his head. 

“I’m sorry” Louis whispers. 

“I don’t really know what to say, especially after you just “up and left” she sighs and Louis’ eyes redden a little. 

“I just don’t think I can do it anymore” Louis mutters. 

“You don’t think you can have sex anymore?” She scoffs, and he doesn’t reply he just shrugs his shoulders, his eyes still down interrogating his patent leather shoes like they’d killed someone. 

“And now you don’t even have the tendency to leave your neck uncovered. Are you that ashamed of me?” Eleanor asks, her voice a little shaky. 

“It’s not that Eleanor, it’s just that…” he didn’t know what it was. 

Ok maybe he did, but how could he tell his girlfriend he was only attracted to guys and not just any guy but one guy in specific. 

Harry. 

“I’m just not feeling myself” Louis whispers, and Eleanor's slight anger immediately vanishes, and she rushed forward embracing her boyfriend, but being careful to crinkle her dress, or his suit. 

If it had have been Harry he wouldn’t have cared about his suit, Gucci or not. He would’ve wrapped his arms around Louis so tightly, or better yet he would’ve let Louis hug him instead to find his source of comfort and lo-. 

_NO!_

He doesn’t like Harry, in fact he HATES Harry. 

Louis doesn’t even know why Eleanors hugging him, she has no idea what’s happening. Or what “happened.” 

“Thanks El” He whispers, and she nods, before planting a kiss on his lips. That’s one thing he couldn’t deny, she was a good kisser, but it wasn’t Harr-

_Snap out of it Louis!_

_____________

The navy of his double breasted jacket really brought out his dark green eyes and the light pink made him stand out even more. His band joked that he was going to stand out even more than the models were and damn that would mean something because they were all going to be half naked. Obviously he was all in Gucci so in his opinion nothing could compare to that, Victoria Secret or not. 

He as he checked the time, a quiet Jazz piece playing in his dressing room. He’d always found it relaxing to listen to a quiet Jazz piece to calm his heart rate before a loud or hyper performance. (Which was pretty much every performance ever.) 

He grabs the brown bottle on in front of his mirror popping off the lid before closing his eyes and squirting it on his neck, breathing in the heavenly smell as he did so. The smell of honey, tobacco flower, spices, cocoa and Vanilla clouded his senses. He sighed and smiled to himself a little. 

So yes, with the help of his mother and older sister, he’d managed to pull himself together a little, and stop mourning over a blue eyed boy he’d never be with. He began to start loving himself a little more. Indulging in the things that made him feel good. Not that Louis didn’t make him feel good, but that’s really not the point. 

He checked his hair one last time and give himself another small smile, before heading out to the back where he’d enter. 

The instrumentals of ‘Kiwi’ begin to play. 

The first model walked out, wearing a red brassiere with gold lining and a matching pair of underlinen, diamanté’s adorning both pieces. She had red and black feathers and a black mesh skirt like piece that she wore at her waste. She walked down the aisle in red boots and stopped at the front, posing. 

________

Eleanor has a seat next to Louis in the crowd and points at the model, standing up front. Her phone’s out and she’s filming the blonde girl as she poses. 

“There she is” Eleanor squeals, and Louis chuckles a little. He’s not really listening, he’s trying to figure out why the song playing is pulling little ropes in his brain. The model Eleanor had been filming was the whole reason they’d come to this stupid thing in the first place. There were people packed everyone and it was cramping Louis' style a little. Although from Louis’ point of view, the arena looked far more crowded that it usually would, even for a Victoria Secret fashion show. 

The live artist walks down the aisle to where his band is playing. Familiar tousled brown curls and emerald green eyes piercing through the crowd. The audience goes crazy and screaming and shouting. Eleanor realises who it is before Louis does, dropping her phone immediately. Explains why these instrumentals sound so familiar. 

Harry. 

Harry Styles. 

Harry fucking Styles had to be performing that ONE night they went to support Eleanor's friend. 

The camera turns to Harry, who’s busy unbuttoning his double breasted jacket like a true gentleman. Microphone in hand. The model walks back down and smirks at Harry in an anything but innocent way, waving her fingers from her mouth to him. He bows at her ever so respectfully instead of engaging in the silly gesture and the crowd screams again. He takes his place in front of the band and begins to sing. Blasting the words of Kiwi.

_“She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes_

_Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect_

_And all the boys, they were saying they were into it_

_Such a pretty face, on a pretty neck”_

Louis’ heart sinks to the bottom of his chest as he hears that familiar voice come through. And then as if it couldn’t get any worse, Harry’s eyes meet Louis’. Harry smirks and as Louis shrinks into his seat, suddenly feeling like the world hates him. Louis’ face turns from bored to broken in half a second and tears are streaming down his face even before he could stop them. Squirming around in his seat trying to get away, he closes his eyes and begins to quietly sob, hoping no one notices. No one does of course, because who cares about the idiot in the second row. Plus it was normal for people to be crying when Harry was performing. He just hoped no one notices it was “Louis Tomlinson” crying over Harry Styles. 

_“She's driving me crazy, but I'm into it, but I'm into it”_

Louis wanted to crawl underneath his seat and hide. Harry’s gaze was now elsewhere as he sang, doing little dances here and there to his own music. Eleanor passed him a solemn look and as Harry smiled once again to another model a pang of jealousy coursed through Louis. 

And then it call came rushing back. 

_________

_2012 - Right after live performance (Up All Night Tour)_

“Hey Niall? Have you seen Hazza?” Louis said, the anxiety level in his voice evidently rising. 

“No why?” Niall asked, wiping his forehead with a towel. 

“Uh, he just seemed off tonight and I don’t, I’m not sure…” Louis began and caught himself before he started rambling. 

Louis rushed around backstage trying to find Harry, his panic level rising as he went. Louis was so caught up in look for Louis he ran straight into someone. 

“Oh my god I’m so sorry, I was just looking for my boyfriend, I mean no my…” Louis was cut off when he realised it was Zayn. 

“Yea, I was looking for my boyfriend” Louis corrects, glad he’d only made the little slip up in front of Zayn and no one else. 

“I think he went back to the hotel. He didn’t look himself tonight, hopefully you can find out what’s wrong” Zayn replied, before putting his hands on Louis’ shoulders. 

“Hey, breath” Zayn reassured and Louis nodded and chuckled a little. 

“Thanks Zaynie” Louis called and grabbed his coat and Harry’s before rushing out to grab a taxi. 

“Hey, can you drop me off in the city square please” Louis said, trying to catch his breath. 

“Emergency?” The taxi driver asked, clearly not knowing who Louis was, and picking up on Louis’ stressed out breathing pattern. 

“Yea, well, no, but I still want to get there fast” Louis said giving a little smile and the driver stepped on the gas. 

“Might I ask what’s wrong?” The taxi driver asked, and Louis shook his head. 

“I don’t know yet” Louis replied. 

“My, bo- my friend wasn’t feeling great tonight and I just need to make sure he’s ok” Louis added and the driver nodded. 

The rest of the drive was quiet and Louis fiddled with his fingers, trying to ring Harry’s number a couple of times. Both a fail. 

By the time they were in the city square, Louis had worked himself into a complete frenzy, forgetting Zayn’s words of “breathing” all together. 

“Thank you” Louis said quickly, shoving a 50 pound bill onto the drivers lap and shouting a quick “keep the change” before slamming the door and running to the hotel. 

__________

Harry continued to scroll through the comments tears streaming down his face. His usually wild curls, sticking to his face, a mix of tears and sweat and more tears. 

**“I hate him, he can’t even sing”**

**“Can’t see why you’re all obsessed with him”**

**“He’s a womanizer, how can you like someone like that?”**

**“Worst member of the band”**

**“He gets all the lead singing roles and he ruins the songs”**

**“Womanizer”**

**And then some really horrible ones regarding his sexuality.**

**“Harry’s the womaniser right?”**

**“How does it feel to be a huge sex symbol?”**

The list went on and on and on and for some reason, Harry couldn’t stop himself from continuing to read them. 

__________

Louis knocked on the door three times, before realising he had a card. He scrambled to find it before slotting it in and opening the door, shedding his coat and toeing off his shoes to find Harry in tears. Poor innocent Harry, crying. Louis could hear the distinct whimpers coming from the 17 year old. All Louis wanted to do was wrap the boy up and press kisses all over his face. But Louis knew Harry didn’t need that right now. Louis need to find out what was wrong first. 

“Hazza, what’s wrong baby” Louis said, turning the living room lights on. Now that the lights were on, Louis could see his boyfriend tear streaked face much more clearly and his heart broke all over again. 

Harry turned over so he didn’t have to face Louis and continued scrolling through his phone. 

Louis walked over to the bed where his boyfriend lay, sitting down beside him. 

“Haz..” Louis trailed off, not really knowing what to say. The feeling was horrible. Powerless and frustrated - the worst combination of emotions to feel - was how Louis was feeling. He leaned over to see what Harry was looking at, before snatching the phone out of his hand. Bewildered. 

Harry made a huffy sound but made no attempt to stop crying. 

Louis scrolled through Harry’s phone looking at what was on it. 

He gently rubbed Harry’s back, knowing the younger boy loved it. 

“Haz, turn over and look at me” Louis said gently and Harry sobbed before slowly moving and turning around. 

His eyes were scrunched shut, and he whimpered again when Louis asked why he’d searched “Harry Styles Shit.”

Louis put the phone down and lifted Harry from the bed with one arm, before pulling the covers back and placing him back down. He turned the lights off, pulled his trousers off and got into bed beside Harry, pulling the younger boy into him while he continued to cry. 

“Baby, I don’t know why you searched that up, or why you were reading those comments. I also know that you probably won’t believe what I’m about to say, but I’m going to say it anyway. H, you mean the world to me, and I don’t understand why you’d let these horrible comments get to you. It tears me apart seeing you in this state, especially when I couldn't find you after the concert and I come back to our hotel room to see you in tears. That’s not how I want to find my baby. Haz, I think you’re the most beautiful boy in the world and nothing could ever change my mind, especially not a bunch of disgusting comments from people who have nothing better to do than sit around making my poor Harold feel like shit.” Louis began, and Harry’s sobbing quietened a little so Louis took it as an opportunity to continue. 

“You know these things aren’t true, especially all the womaniser rubbish. We both know that’s not true since I’m your first and only boyfriend. You’ll always have me by your side Haz. Next time you're feeling this way come to me! Come and find me babe. I might not be able to fix everything, but I’ll be able to pull that gorgeous smile out from behind those tears. I hate feeling powerless knowing I can’t do anything about the situation, and it frustrates me that people think it’s ok to target a 17 year old boy. What I still don’t get though is why you searched “Harry Styles Shit” Louis finished not expecting an answer like the first time he asked the question, but surprisingly he got one. 

“I don’t know. I wasn’t feeling great, and I wanted to assure the insecurities that there was something wrong, and because I was feeling really sorry for myself it all got to me. I've always wanted to be one of those people who didn't really care much about what other people thought about them, but I’m not.” Harry mumbled. 

“It’s completely normal to have feelings, of course you care about what people think of you, but sometimes they’re not always nice and those are the times where you need to turn around and say to yourself “these people must have some real shit going on in their own lives, to be saying these things” “they must be really messed up to think it’s ok, and they must have rubbish lives because they’ve got nothing better to do than spread hate” Louis muttered, wrapping his arms tighter around Harry in an extremely protective way. 

“They called me other things too, did you see?” Harry whispered and Louis nodded, after a few moments of silence, Louis spoke again. 

“I love you Harry” and Harry gasped. It had been the first time Louis had ever admitted that straight to his face and out loud, and suddenly more tears were streaming down his face. Happy tears this time. 

Louis wiped them away and kissed Harry, slowly and softly. 

“I do. I love you so much. You’re just so perfect. Baby, my list could go on, but I don’t want to put you to sleep” Louis joked, and Harry giggled his little giggle, making Louis’ heart flutter. 

“I love you too” Harry replied. 

That was the first time they ever said the “three big words” to each other and for once, Harry didn’t have a single care in the world. He knew he’d be with this boy forever, and at the time he didn’t know how wrong he was.


	3. Things We'd Never Say to Anybody else Out Loud

Louis gasped as the memories began to flow through him. Harry continued to sing doing little gestures that only they knew about. 

_________

Fancy that, Louis Tomlinson at his performance tonight, Harry thought to himself, and the only thing keeping him from falling apart was the fact the every single model that walked pasted was trying to chat him up, and in order to distract himself he’d smirk back. It was wrong, he knew it. Leading them on the wrong way. But what choice did he have. 

He continued to sing, closing his eyes to enjoy the buzz of his band and the crowd, before he realised his microphone wasn’t loud enough. He put his microphone back on the stand, looking to the sound crew and drawing a heart shape in the air before pointing up. The sound crew nodded and turned up his microphone. He smiled, his perfect white teeth showing as he sang. He caught sight of Louis by mistake after he’d been trying to keep his eyes away from him and he had to take a big deep breath when he saw how angry Louis looked. Louis had no right to be angry, not after what he’d done to Harry. 

If anyone it should be Harry who was angry, but Harry was nothing but heart broken. Harry passed him a confused look, one of their glances, knowing Louis would be the only one to know what it meant. 

Louis only shook his head before sarcastically mocking him and doing the movement he’d done before when he’d wanted his microphone turned up and Harry blushed. It used to be their thing. 

_______

2014 (Where we are tour) 

“His microphone isn’t loud enough” Harry whined. 

“Well, you can’t keep running over here to tell me that his microphone isn’t loud enough, signal me next time.” The sound guys replied and Harry pouted but nodded anyway. “Oh and by the way the heart sign is taken, you can’t use that one for him” The sound guy called as Harry left and Harry pouted again, because it was exactly what he was going to use. 

“Who’s taken it?” Harry asked. 

“He has” he replied and Harry gave a confused and hurt look. 

“Who’s he using it for? Niall! Liam?! Or did Zayn and him do it to piss me off” Harry whined, acting more like a 5 year old than a 20 year old.

“For you, you idiot. Now get back out there, there’s a bunch of girls waiting for you.” And with that he was shoved out of the sound room. 

“I’m taken” Harry called, and in return he got an eye roll and a very sarcastic reply. 

“You don’t say”

___________

Harry blushed as Louis draw the heart shape in the air and signalled “up.” Suddenly Harry’s voice filled the room and his green eyes glistened with love. 

The song finished and Little Thing’s began to play. Harry giggling when Louis smirked his way. The brunette pushed his long hair behind his ear and ran a hand through the front of it before fluffing it up and throwing it all back behind him. 

Harry leaned forward to face Louis as the five of them stood together. 

And then Louis’ adorable voice (Harry’s words not mine) was filling the stadium. 

“You can't go to bed without a cup of tea, And maybe that's the reason that you talk in your sleep” 

Harry looked over at the sound crew and he saw them huff, knowing Harry was about to march over demanding they turn Louis’ microphone up, instead he made a chatter box gesture with his hand and pointed up. He saw the main sound guy laugh and turn Louis’ microphone up. 

“And all those conversations are the secrets that I keep” Louis eyes widened as he watched Harry do the gesture, and they widened every more when he realised what the action meant. 

“Though it makes no sense to me” turning to Harry and looking him directly in the eye as he sang the last line. 

_____________

“Hazza” came the unmistakable voice of the Doncaster boy. Harry turned around from where he was checking his phone only to be caught off balance, and getting a handful of Louis thrown into his arms. The chestnut haired boy wrapped his legs around Harry’s waste and put his arms around his neck to support himself. 

“What was that for?” Harry whispered, giggling and linking his arms around Louis. 

“You’re adorable” he whispered back and pressed a kiss to the inside of Harry’s neck, only because it was the only place he could reach. 

“I know I am, but why are you telling me now?” Harry asked, although he knew exactly what Louis was talking about.

“You copied me. I was the one who started those microphone gestures.” 

It was silly and very domestic. Both of them knew it, and maybe that’s what made it all the more endearing. Harry leaned forward nuzzling his nose gently against Louis’ before leaning forward to kiss him. 

“I don’t care…” Harry replied and Louis laughed, moving his hands up to Harry’s hair, where he proceeded to undo the head scarf that was taming the curls he loved so much. He pulled it out, ruffling Harry’s hair afterwards before looking back and admiring his work. 

“Love you Lou” Harry mumbled kissing him again and Louis giggled. The door burst open, but neither boys stopped kissing until they realised who it was. Louis jumped back, hiding behind Harry where he intertwined their hands, behind Harry’s back. Harry gently squeezing his hand when he felt Louis tremble. 

“Oh for gods sake. I thought we agreed there’d be no more of this shit” Simon yelled and Louis flinched. After what happened last time, Louis did not want to be the one up front, especially when he’d tried to stand up for Harry and ended up being put down until he felt like a worthless piece of shit. 

“Well, if you hadn’t rudely interrupted us, then you wouldn’t have found out” Harry snapped back and Simon scoffed. 

“I don’t understand why you two can’t stop this. It’s stupid, the other boys are constantly complaining about your behaviour when you’re together” Simon sneered. 

“That’s not true” Louis squeaked, remembering back to the other night after Louis had been upset and he an Harry had had an argument. Afterwards he’d gone to Liam who gave him a hug and told him that he needed to be rational because Harry was worth it and he reminded him that even perfect couples go through their ups and down. He also told Louis that he and Harry were the definition of perfect. 

“Oh you shut it, we don’t need you to whine like a baby about it.” Simon scowled. 

Tears welled in Louis’ eyes and Harry squeezed his hand again. 

“Just because you’ll never know what it feels like to be loved by someone so much they’ll do anything for you, doesn’t mean you have to take it out on them” and it wasn’t Harry nor Louis who said it, it was Zayn. 

“And before you go using the rest of us to back up your lame excuses please remember that we spend every day together, nothing you say will ever tear us apart” Liam said, coming up beside Zayn. 

“The fact you think it’s ok to bring Louis to tears is fucked up man” Niall added, and Louis began to properly cry now. Simon was left speechless, struck over what to say. 

Harry forgot all about the psychopath standing in front of him, turning around to embrace his crying boyfriend. 

He calmed him down slowly with little words of encouragement, rubbing circles into his back. 

“We’re going to head back to the hotel” Harry announced, and Simon nodded acknowledging them with a grunt before leaving. 

“Lou, lou it’s ok he’s gone now” Harry whispered. 

“He always knows what to say to make me feel bad” Louis whimpers, and Harry hugs him tighter, 

“Don’t Lou, don’t ever feel that way, especially not around that man” Harry replied. 

“Easy for you to say, you like boys and girls he doesn’t say unforgivable things to you about your sexuality” Louis yells pulling away, but he finds himself stepping right back into Harry’s embrace. 

“Sorry, Hazza, don’t feel good. Tired.” Louis mumbled, and Harry nodded. 

“If you walk out with Zayn, you can hold onto him and then when we get to the car I’ll cuddle you. Promise.” Harry said and Louis whined, but agreed anyway. 

“I’ll see you at the hotel baby. Love you” 

“Love you too Harold” 

And if Harry had to play big spoon for the first time that night, no one else had to know. 

_________

Present. 

Tears streamed down Louis’ face. He stood abruptly, before realising if he made a huge scene storming out in tears, no one would ever let it go. He slumped back down, defeated. Feeling trapped and overwhelmed, like there was no where left to go. 

Almost like he was drowning. He could see the surface, it was right there, but it was so far away.


	4. I'm Having Your Baby, (It's None of Your Business)

Kiwi wasn’t exactly a very emotional song. It’s probably the type of song you’d yell at the top of your lungs while you were drunk at 3am. But every song has a meaning behind it, and whether or not that meaning is emotional, it still means something to someone. 

There were more conspiracies than Harry could count about the true meaning behind the song and in the end everyone came to a few hard core conclusions. The first being that “Kiwi” was Harry Styles’ version of Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean”. The second, that he was in a relationship with a New Zealand model, hence the name Kiwi. The third being the craziest is that an ex girlfriend of his, got pregnant and decided to keep the child away from him. (“I’m having your baby, it’s none of your business”) 

Harry immediately denied the baby scare rumours considering they are anything but true but he never fully disclosed the meaning behind the song. 

Louis on the other hand new exactly what the song was about. 

___________

July 2015 - “On the Road Again” Tour. 

“I don’t think this is a good idea” Louis protested weakly. 

“That’s that third time you’ve said that Louis, I think I’m going to explain myself a little clearer,” Simon began, giving that horrible smirk that made Louis feel ill. 

“Either you break up with Harry, or you go along with this stunt. If you continue acting like two love sick teenagers in interviews and in public, you’re going to let the whole band down. I can’t convince Harry to do this, but I know I’ll be able to get you to agree. You see, Harry is a far better artist than you, therefore I feel he’ll go further than anyone else in the band, especially you. But, if you’re there hanging onto the end of his tail, he’s obviously going to have you dragging him down (No pun intended.) So, here’s the deal, you post a photo with Briana and in a few months time, she’ll be pregnant. You’ll say it’s your son, his last name will be Tomlinson and all will be well. Or you end things with Harry.” Simon finished. 

“Simple” he added, and Louis felt his eyes burning up. He didn’t cry often. But when it came to his relationship with the boy he wanted to spend every moment up until his last dying breaths with, he would fight, he would cry, god damn he would do whatever it took. 

He coughed a little and looked down a few times, willing the tears to go away. When he was finally sure they weren’t going to come pouring out, he looked up, clearing his throat. 

“Fine, I’ll do the stunt” Louis croaked, coming out far less manly they he had intended it to. Simon looked unhappy, but still satisfied with the choice. To be honest in his scenario it was a win win situation, but he had no right to look this smug. Not when Louis was being torn apart inside. 

“This isn’t even your place to be saying these things” Louis mumbled, cowered when Simon jerked his head up, before composing himself and going back to the paper work. 

“What did you just say?” Simon dared him to explain further. “You’re just saying this, because you can’t accept the truth. I tell you this now, so it won’t hurt as much later. Harry is going to be a famous artist one day and I will take credit, but you, you cannot and will not stand in his way. I mean think about it, cute blue eyed boy with chestnut hair waltzes into curly haired “not sure what sexuality I am” boys life and suddenly we have a relationship. Then people start investing in this conspiracy, and now it’s super cute. One boy “actually” falls for the other, while the other one doesn’t really care all that much. In fact, I’ve heard him say you’re a right pain sometimes. Too over protective of someone who will never and certainly doesn’t love you, the way you think you love him.” Simon replied, not even lifting his head from his papers. 

“Well, Modest! is our management, you’re the production company. You don’t have any right to be telling us these things. And you definitely don’t have a right to go filling our heads with false information. I know you think you’re doing the right thing, but you’re not.” Harry intervened. 

“How do you always manage to stick your head into these conversations.” Simon barked. 

“Well, talking behind peoples backs is never nice. Considering I’ve listened to the last 15 minutes of that conversation, you’re doing exactly that. 

Louis felt a slight sigh of relief, but at the same time, seeing Harry coming to rescue him yet again made him feel annoyed. He was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, he certainly didn’t need the curly haired boy coming in to save him every single time. 

“And there you go, always need your boyfriend to come and save you. Well, he’s not going to be there for you every second to stitch up all your open wounds.” Simon spat. 

Harry went to step in front of Louis and bring him back to his senses, but Louis shoved him off, and stormed out. 

Simon smirked and opened his mouth to say something but Harry had had enough. 

“Save it” Harry yelled. 

He slammed the door behind him and ran out, after Louis. 

“Lou, lou! Louis! Wait!” Harry called sprinting after Louis. He caught up in no time, but when he tapped Louis on the shoulder he was met with tears and a bright red face. 

“I don’t know why you keep doing that. I’m not a baby Harry, I can defend myself!” Louis shouted, Harry stepped back. “I don’t know why you do it anyway, stand outside listening. Do I put on a good show for you?” Louis snapped sarcastically. 

“Louis, what are you talking about?” Harry asked bewildered by his boyfriend’s outburst. 

“I bet you enjoy watching that happen and then you burst in there and pretend to be all heroic.” Louis continued and Harry grabbed his hand before he could run off again. 

“Look at me Louis, this isn’t funny anymore. I don’t know who put that shit in your head, actually no I do. I don’t care what Simon told you about me, but I cannot believe that you are listening to him. Letting this get to your head. It’s meant to be you and me against the world Lou, but it’s clear to see that you’re letting Simon’s words get to your head, so maybe I was wrong. I love you with everything I have and it breaks me to hear you saying these things. I’m so surprised you even said that to me. I never would’ve taken you as someone to give into his words like that.” Harry said, his eyes were red and full of tears ready to spill at any second. 

Harry dropped Louis’ hands leaving him be as he walked off, and he couldn’t bare it. Seeing Harry like that. His phone buzzed bringing him back to his senses and if he hadn’t needed his phone for a gazillion purposes he would’ve chucked it against the wall. 

“Meet Briana in 30 minutes” 

He groaned, and looked back down the hall to see Liam closing the door to where Harry had just walked in. He gave Louis an innocent shrug, almost like he was secretly telling Louis he shouldn’t known better than to lash out on the sweet thing that he got to call his boyfriend. 

Louis just huffed again. It seemed the whole world was against him today. 

_________

“Hey, I’m Louis” Louis managed, as a blonde girl opened the door. 

“Aw yes I know!” She squeaked and pulled Louis into a hug. It didn’t exactly feel nice, but he was craving physical attention at the moment. Considering Harry wasn’t around to give him cuddles, this seemed to be the next best thing. Even if it felt totally and utterly horrible. 

“Come on in an I’ll make you some tea” she said politely. 

He smiled weakly and she let him in. 

“So how were you intending to do this?” Louis asked. 

“My boyfriend has offered to have the child with me, and have him under your name.” She said as she made him a cuppa and he offered another weak smile. 

“Unless, you want to make this baby yourself?” She said a little too seductively for his liking. She passed him the cup and he took a large sip. 

“No, uh my boyfriend would not be happy about that” Louis replied, but then he couldn’t help but reply Simon’s words in his head. 

_He says you’re a right pain sometimes_

“Your boyfriend?” She inquired and Louis shrugged. 

“I thought you were straight.” She giggled. 

“Quite the opposite” Louis mumbled, and she giggled again. 

“Well, why didn’t he come with you today then?” She asked, pushing on the exactly area Louis didn’t want to go to. 

“Uh, he’s back at the stadium rehearsing. We got into an argument and I left to come and see you” he said truthfully and she smiled putting a hand to his shoulder. He felt himself lean into it, and he had no idea why. 

“Did he try and be an over protective boyfriend?” Briana asked, talking to Louis like he was a baby, and Louis found himself nod. “Was he trying to be the hero? Does he think it’s funny to make fun of his boyfriend?” Briana continued and Louis nodded again.

“Aw baby” she cooed, and he felt tears fill his eyes as he looked up at her. 

“Let me take care of you. I’m sure I can treat you much better than him” she continued. Louis shook his head, feeling even more lethargic than he initially had. 

“No” he mumbled. “Lie down” he whispered, and she nodded helping him up and showing him to a room. 

____________

“You’re going to tug all your pretty brown hair out if you keep doing that” Niall scolded, and Harry scowled. 

Harry looked up, tears filling his eyes once more. 

“Oh Haz, you’re going to work yourself into a complete and utter frenzy” Niall said gently. 

“I already have” He croaked, and Niall wrapped his arms around the poor boy. 

“He’s gone to Briana’s house” Liam said walking in. 

“Who the fuck is Briana?” Harry asked, and a wave of fresh tears washed over him as Liam turned his phone around to show Harry an article. 

“His girlfriend” Liam replied. 

“I’m out” Niall said retreating. 

Harry shook his head, “he’d never do that” Harry said weakly. 

“I’m sorry to say it, but Haz, you’re relationship has been a bit rocky at the moment, maybe it’s a blessing in disguise” Niall said and Harry stood up. 

“A blessing?! You can’t just say that.” He yelled and Niall stepped back. Harry quickly realised his mistake and his anger dropped. “Sorry Ni, that was uncalled for.” He apologised and Niall nodded. 

“Uncalled for” Niall repeated. 

“Hey, we hardly know much about this, for all we know it could just be another stunt. How much of that conversation between Louis and Simon did you listen into?” Liam asked.

“Not much, I only heard the last parts” Harry confessed. 

“You said that you heard the whole 15 minutes” Niall replied. 

“Yea, well, I didn’t” Harry said back.

“I think we should at least give him a chance before we go jumping to conclusions. Plus the last I saw that boy was clearly madly in love with you. He spends all his break time with you, and drags you around to Doncaster to go and see his family. His mother treats you like her own and he doesn’t so much as look at any other person that walks past.” Liam stated and Harry nodded.


	5. And all That's Left of us is a Cupboard Full of Clothes

“I should go” Louis thought as soon as he’d woken up. It was then he realised he wasn’t currently wearing any clothes and there was someone next to him. 

“Don’t leave yet” a voice called and Louis shivered, getting out of the bed as quickly as we could and shoving his clothes on. 

“Oh god tell me that did not just happen!?” Louis yelled frantically as he changed. 

“I think it did” Briana replied, and anger burned up inside of Louis.

“I don’t remember it” Louis stubbornly stated. 

“It’s because you were so out of it, loubear” she drawled as she yawned. 

“Don’t call me that, only he calls me that” Louis scowled. 

“Who’s “he.” Harry?” She questioned already knowing the answer, but she didn’t say anything after that, just giggled and waved when he rushed out. He didn’t feel sore or achy like he usually did after sharing a time of intimacy with Harry, so he couldn’t put his finger on it, and why it just didn’t feel right.

_______

“Oh my god Louis, where have you been?” Liam yelled, rushing over and throwing his arms around Louis as he walked in. 

“Yea fine, I was with Briana” Louis mumbled and Liam gasped. “See, I tried to tell Harry but he wouldn’t believe me. I knew there was an expla-“ Liam was cut off, as Louis rushed past him coming to a great realisation. 

Harry. 

Fuck.. Harry!!! Harry didn’t know where he’d been. But hadn’t Harry heard their conversation? 

Louis raced down the hall and opened their “congregation room” to find Niall. 

“Oh hey Lou, we were wondering where you we-“ Louis didn’t stick around to hear the rest, he just ran out trying to find Harry’s room. He finally found it, opening the door and getting ready to recite an apology to see it was empty. 

“Haz?” He said weakly. Unsurprisingly there was no answer so he pulled the door back shut and trudged back to his own room. 

And that was where he seemed to be taking refuge. 

“Harry” Louis gasped. He was currently lying on Louis’ couch with his Chelsea boots propped up at the end, listening to some music. His tear stained cheeks made it evident he wasn’t exactly happy. When he made eye contact with Louis he sat up, taking his headphone off. 

“Hi..” Louis offered and Harry shook his head a little. 

“Where did you go?” Harry whispered and Louis looked down. 

“Ah, I assumed you knew I was going to Briana’s house” Louis said sitting down beside Harry. 

“No, I didn’t. But I found out like 3 hours ago when she posted a photo of you two together” Harry said, getting up, throwing his phone at Louis, with the post up. 

Louis knows exactly how this goes, now Harry’s going to give him silent treatment for the rest of the day. Either Louis will have to apologise or he can be even more stubborn and wait until Harry feels bad. Although the second option doesn’t seem right for this situation. 

He looks down at the photo. You can barely see Louis, but he’s there. 

“Harry wait!” Louis shouted, and Harry spun around. His floral shirt exposing less of his chest than it usually did. That alone told Louis he was unhappy. 

“Louis, you keep telling me to wait, you told me that with Eleanor. You told me to wait. I’ve waited for you. I’ve waited every single second for that last 5 years. This just isn’t working anymore” Harry shouted. Louis dropped the phone and shook his head in disbelief. 

“You won’t understand.” Louis whispered. 

“Oh yea, it’s so difficult to understand that my boyfriend cheated on me with a girl he’s never met until now!” Harry snapped, dropping his tone so it sounded less angry and more hurt. Harry’s twisted his words completely. 

“No, Haz that’s not what happened!” Louis yelled. “I don’t think it’s fair if you’re going to push all of this onto me, you never wait for explanations and you always storm off like I’m the only one in the wrong. I never acted this way when you had to go out and kiss Taylor in front of everyone and I never once shouted at you or made you feel bad for any other reason regarding these PR things. It’s all out of my control and you’re not doing anything to make me feel better” Louis choked. 

“How could you ever think that I would want to leave you and throw myself into the public eye with a girl I’ve never met just so people can think I’m straight. You’re supposed to be there for me Harry, you’re not supposed to turn against me as well” Louis cried. “I hope you understand now that I’m not intentionally trying to make you upset, I love you too much to do that. But if this isn’t working, if you can’t see that I’m doing this so we can continue to be together then… maybe this isn’t going to work” 

“You’re right, I haven’t exactly been thinking about anyone except myself but you’re also wrong. You shouldn’t have to continue going out with girls and pretending you’re in a great relationship with them so we can be together. These thing’s don’t roll that way, I don’t understand why you-“ 

“Don’t tell me you don’t understand why I can’t just say no. It’s not that easy Harry. It’s hard, my whole career is on the line because of this. There’ll never be a place for us to happily be together, have you ever thought about it. If we came out and told everyone?” It was a rhetorical question of course and Louis quickly spoke again before Harry could try shove in his answer. 

“You know what, this is a waste of time. I’m not having this conversation. This is over Harry.” Louis said turning to step past Harry. 

“Oh right, so you cheated on me and yet “you” get to end this?” Harry asked. Louis turned around his eyes flooded with betrayal and fear. 

“Yea Harry, I cheated on you” he snapped sarcastically and he was gone.   
____________

“I wanna say Louis, from one father to another I want to congratulate you on your up coming father hood” the interviewer says and Louis nods, pulling the best smile he can. 

“Thank you yea, um obviously it, it’s a very exciting time so ah I’m buzzing” he says and anyone who knows Louis properly knows the last bit is complete sarcasm. 

Yea, because you’re always buzzing after sex you didn’t even know you had. 

“Congratulations again, yes” the interviewers says and the camera pans out to everyone and the distinct look on Harry’s face is one to remember. He’s biting his lip in the way he does when he stopping a reaction that would wrong for the moment. 

And then the female interviewer makes it worse. 

“Harry, you seem very quiet tonight” 

Suddenly Harry’s looking very indignant. He manages a quick “No” and luckily for him the other interviewer saves him. 

“Harry’s chilling, he’s letting the other guys..- Harry cuts him off. 

He clears his throat and adds. “I’m having a great time” and all the hurt he’s kept locked away comes out in that sentence. 

The interviewer changes the subject completely after that and Harry answers before zoning out again. 

————

 _Present_

Harry sings that line again looking straight at Louis. 

“I’m having your baby, it’s none of your, it’s none of your business” 

Louis looks away. He immediately feels bad, but in fairness to him, he tried to explain it to Harry and Harry never listened. 

They were both in the wrong.


	6. I Wanna Stay Up All Night (Not Really)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoying writing this, hope all you die hard Larry fans are enjoying reading it.   
> Haha this chapter's exactly 1.2k words. Leave comments if you're liking this so far.

And finally after what seemed like 7 years of flash backs, Harry stopped singing. He did his last little dance and stopped by his microphone looking out to the crowd and before bowing and clasping his hands together as a thanks. 

He was thanking everyone for letting him perform? 

“They should be thanking him for coming” Louis thought to himself. Harry did one last look out to the crowd Harry not so subtly blew a kiss to the last model as he walked off stage. 

“That was great!” Eleanor squealed. 

“I wish I could say the same!” Louis muttered underneath his breath and she passed him a strange look. Louis looked away. 

“There’s an after party” Eleanor said, dragging Louis along. He looked at her pleadingly hoping she’d understand. 

She didn’t. 

“Come on, don’t be a bad sport. He’s just an ex band member. Whats the worst that could happen” she said lightly and he stopped himself from tripping over himself. He spluttered as he looked for an answer her positively absurd outburst. 

She wouldn’t know though. He could never tell her either, so he simply nodded. 

_________

“Oh Haz, that was great!” Sarah said as the band walked off as well. 

“Agreed” he nodded, but he wasn’t quite there and she noticed. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked and he nodded in the direction of where Eleanor was talking to her model friend.

“Oh god is he…” she didn’t need to finish her sentence. He nodded with a very displeased look on his face and she passed him a look of sympathy. 

“Sorry H” she murmured wrapping an arm around him to ever so slightly comfort him. 

“The worst things always happen to me” Harry mumbled. 

“I quite clearly remember him being the best thing that ever happened to you” Mitch pointed out, coming up behind Harry. 

“Excuse you, you weren’t even there when we were together” Harry shot back and Mitch laughed.

“You could be on the other side of the world and figure out you two were so madly in love” Mitch replied and Sarah nodded. 

“Yea well he obviously didn’t like me that much. He had a fucking kid with someone else” Harry scowled and Sarah put a comforting hand on his lower back. 

“Mind your language, this is a family show Harry” Mitch joked, not knowing what else to say. 

“Is it?” Harry weakly offered, not even convincing himself. 

“Styles!” and Harry spun around broken from his trance having heard his name. The model who’d passed him the seductive glance was walking over. Thankfully she had more clothes on than she had on stage, but still far too revealing even for a model.

“Show some respect for yourself” Harry thought to himself and she came walking over the way models do when they’re intending to get something out of someone. 

He smiled and tried to be polite, but keep it professional, his efforts at telling her he wasn’t interested weren’t really working. 

“That was a great performance” she gushed and he smiled tipping his head at her. Sarah nudged him in a teasing way and he tried to shove her off. She leaned up and whispered into his ear. 

“Might be a good chance for you to forget about what happened _two years ago_ and move on.” She said. The models face dropped when she saw Harry blush at what Sarah had just said. 

“Is she your date?” The model asked. Yep, Harry was gonna keep calling her “The Model” he had no interest in her therefore he found no need to figure out her name. That didn’t mean he wasn’t a gentleman. 

“No no, this is my drummer Sarah, she’s part of my band. I’ll introduce you” Harry said and her face lit up. He offered her his arm and she eagerly accepted, gripping onto it with a bit too much force. 

He quickly introduced her to the band before he had to rush off to get ready for the next performance. 

___________

Louis’ sparkling azure eyes clouded over to form a steely grey as he caught sight of her hanging onto him. He didn’t look uncomfortable, but he was good at hiding his emotions. He’d only really fully opened up to the four other boys and of course when he was around Louis he wore his heart on his sleeve. Louis could hardly believe this was the same boy that use to fall asleep on his chest. The same person who - after accidentally using his sisters lip gloss and kissing Louis - went out and bought more because he thought that it made Louis kiss him more. (Truthfully he just like kissing Harry, he didn’t care what lipgloss he was wearing.) 

The same boy who used to curl up into him after they’d been intimate, too shy to show his face even though Louis had seen him naked a numerous amount of times. He walked around the house with no clothes on all the time, but for some reason he tucked away after doing “those things.” Not that Louis minded, he loved pulling the covers up over him and his green eyed treasure while the boy slept in his arms. Louis had always felt as though he needed to make sure no one ever hurt Harry. Unfortunately Harry had been the one to hurt him. 

(That was his side of the story) 

Harry had very rarely showed his venerability to anyone but Louis and considering they’d done so many things Harry had never done with anyone before together Harry felt like he could truly be himself while he was around the blue eyed boy. 

Harry had had his first proper kiss with Louis, (apart from the one time he’d kissed a girl down by the lake in Holmes Chapel. He liked to tell people it was super steamy but it wasn’t), he’d gone on his first date and up until Louis he’d only ever had heterosexual sex before. 

So it came as a great deal of surprise when Louis watched him introduce the model to his band like he’d always been a confident artist who knew his place in the world. When Louis felt a sharp stab shoot through him after she kissed him on the cheek no one had to know. He had a girlfriend, and he loved her. She loved him and all was well. He didn’t need anyone else. 

That’s what he told himself at least. 

___________

“We’re not staying for his second performance” Louis said, throwing his hands in the air for emphasis. 

“We are, you can go I don’t care. We didn’t fly all the way to Shanghai for you to pack a sad” Eleanor yelled back, and Louis knew she was pissed. 

“Plus, Janine said Harry’s second outfit has a mint green shirt to compliment his eyes and apparently he’s a real sight” she said nudging him as a joke, which only made him angrier. 

He huffed and realised if he kept stressing like this he was likely to pop a blood vessel. He sighed in defeat and she squealed a little too loudly when she saw him give in. 

This was going to be a long night.


	7. I'm not doing much better 'Cause I'm missing half of me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis finds Harry still has something that meant a lot to both of them... all those years ago.

_I saw this angel  
I really saw an angel  
Open up your eyes, shut your mouth and see  
That I'm still the only one who's been in love with me_

“That song was written for me” was the only thing going through Louis’ heard as he the cords begin to play. He must’ve accidentally said it aloud. 

“I’m pretty sure it was written about his ex girlfriend.” Eleanor piped up. 

“What?” Louis questioned, slightly confused.

“You asked who this song is written for, it’s written about his ex girlfriend. Kendall Jenner to be exact.” She said, giggling at him while she showed him a photo of the article. 

“Give me that!” He scowled snatching the phone from her. 

“Lewis, what’s gotten into you today?” She asked giggling when he shot her a glare not realising it wasn’t a playful glare. 

“Don’t call me that” he snapped and she put her hands in the air. 

“I surrender” she joked and he looked up from the article realising he was being unnecessarily rude. 

“Sorry El, I’m just a little tired, and you-“ 

“I know what you’re like when you’re tired. Don’t worry babe.” She replied offering him a warm smile. He smiled back leaning forward to kiss her. 

“A little too much PDA in front of previous band members don’t you think?” Eleanor whispered. Louis couldn’t bring himself to care how his ex boyfriend felt about him kissing his current girlfriend. 

___________  
Harry’s suit was an unusually light mint green with a more medium shade for his shirt which did indeed compliment his eyes, just like Eleanor had mentioned. 

He had a pair of patent leather heels on and once again he really did look the part. As he strutted out onto stage feeling particularly proud of his outfit. He continued to confidently dance around stage, until he caught sight of something he was hoping to avoid for the rest of his life. 

\- - - - - - 

Eleanor pressed herself into Louis’ chest as he wrapped an arm around her to stabilise her position on his lap. 

“He’s looking at you.” Eleanor whispered. 

Louis’ blood ran cold when he opened his eyes and looked up. Eleanor had her head turned towards the stage but when Harry gave her an expressionless glare, she turned back around. 

Louis gave a little gulp, before smirking and realising the face he was now giving Louis was one of “those” faces. 

\- - - - - - 

Harry’s heart almost stopped beating when he caught sight of what Eleanor was doing sat there on Louis’ lap. He couldn’t help but stare her down a little. When she turned around he looked past her, catching Louis’ bright eyes. Was that guilt? Just as fast as the emotion had expanded over his face, it disappeared and it was replaced with a self entitled smirk. 

Harry began self consciously playing with the ring on his middle right finger, as he continued to hold the microphone. Trying not to let the action he’d just witnessed ruin his night. 

\- - - - - - 

Louis looked up, immediately regretting his actions when he saw the hurt look pass over Harry’s face. He looks down before catching sight of Harry’s hand. It was Louis’ turn to practically break down. 

Harry was still wearing it, after all this time. 

______________

14.02.13 - Night after Paris interview (Valentines day in Paris) 

“Come on Haz.” Louis said knocking on his door. 

Harry made a whining noise and Louis chuckled shaking his head. 

“Hurry up and let me in, or I’ll barge in myself.” Louis threatened and he heard his boyfriend do a great big sigh before opening the door. 

“Aww Hazza, I love your outfit.” Louis cooed and Harry blushed. 

He was sporting a short sleeved back button down and black skinny jeans to match. His curls were pulled back, more so in the front and he had a pair of white shoes to finished the outfit. 

“Gorgeous” Louis murmured, leaning forward to kiss Harry. Harry blushed again, before Louis took his hand and led him out of the room. 

“Come on.” Louis whispered. 

“Where are we going?” Harry replied. 

“Now why would I disclose any of the information to you?” Louis asked, draping a trench coat of Harry’s shoulders from behind, giggling when Harry blushed once more. 

“Dunno” Harry mumbled. 

“Hey, are you ok? You seem off.” Louis asked, stopping in his tracks suddenly. 

“I’m fine.” Harry said quickly. 

In all honesty, Harry was really nervous. He was hoping tonight was the night. He knew he was truly devoted to Louis but he didn’t know if Louis was to him. It was silly, he knew that. But with Eleanor round so often, taking all of Louis’ attention, he couldn’t help but hope tonight would be the night Louis would pop the question. It didn’t seem likely though and that was what was bothering Harry. The possibility was even lower when Louis had announced that the other three boys would be joining them. 

“If you say so.” Louis said, although he didn’t sound fully convinced. 

The two took the car to a restaurant and Louis couldn’t open the door for Harry like he usually did for fear of the paparazzi catching onto anything so he got out and waited a bit before he walked in. Harry got out moments later and they were joined by the other three boys. Liam and Zayn attached at the hip, Niall standing in the corner making fake gagging motions. 

“What’s with him?” Louis asked, pointing at Niall. 

“Oh, Zayn told him about your… plan? And he thinks it’s gross” Liam said and Louis gave him a glare. 

“Shush.” Louis scolded, and as if he was right on cue Harry piped up. 

“What plan Lou-bear?” Harry asked, his green eyes looking at Louis like he was holding the world up. 

“Nothing love, Liam’s talking about the show tomorrow. Anyway we better get going.” The blue eyed boy replied a little too quickly and Harry looked down. 

“Fine, don’t tell me.” Harry said. 

“No baby, it’s not like that.” Louis said, and he looked over at Liam giving him a death stare before turning back to Harry. 

“It’s ok, I promise.” Louis said. “Now, it’s pretty dark so, follow me.”

Harry gave him a confused look his previous hurt, gone. 

Louis walked down the path quickly, with Harry in tow. 

“Aren’t they going to find us?” Harry asked, jogging to catch up. 

“No, they won’t have time the place is only around the corner” Louis replied, before smiling when Harry gripped onto his hand. 

“Never liked the dark.” Harry whispered. 

Louis only smiled back. 

“Here we are.” Louis announced. 

“How cheesy.” Harry replied giggling. 

In front of the two boys the Eiffel tower was lit up a vibrant pink. It started out magenta before getting darker until it reached an almost red colour at the top. 

“What can I say, this is the city of looooove” Louis joked. 

“That it is” Harry agreed. 

“This isn’t even the best part.” 

—————

“This is beautiful Lou.” Harry said marvelling at the view of Paris in front of them. 

Louis smiled. 

“Was this the “plan” you were talking about with Liam?” Harry inquired, and Louis nodded hesitantly. 

Harry however, seemed satisfied and he giggled under his breath. 

\- - - - - - 

“Oh my god have you booked the whole restaurant out?” Harry asked, half way through their meals when he realised no one else had arrived. 

“Maybe..” Louis said, and Harry smiled, leaning over his meal to kiss Louis. 

“Ew you taste like snails.” Louis teased, retreating. 

“I didn’t even eat any snails.” Harry replied with a pout, and then it was gone when he saw the waiter arrive with dessert. 

“Where’d that pout go curly?” Louis joked. 

“Nothing a good creme brûlée can’t fix.” Harry joked back, before digging his spoon right in. As he went to bring his spoon out, he heard his spoon clink something and Louis winced, blush coating his cheeks. 

Harry brought his spoon out, inspecting the mysterious object in his dessert. His eyes widening when he realised what it was. 

“Marry me curly. I know now isn’t the right time, so it’s a promise ring for when we get out of this horrible situation where I’m forced to book a whole restaurant out for some privacy. I know it’s a bit soon, I’m only 21 and got you’re hardly 19 and-“ 

He was cut off when he felt Harry press his own lips to Louis’ own. 

“Of course I’ll marry you, and I’ll wait forever Lou, as long as I can happily be with you.” Harry reassured, he licked the ring before slipping it onto his middle finger. 

“I’ve got a matching one.” Louis whispered shyly. 

“Oh Louuuuu” Harry cooed, abandoning his dessert and getting up to go and sit on Louis’ lap. 

“I love you, I love you, I love you, everything about you is perfect.” Harry whispered nuzzling his face into Louis’ neck. 

_____________

Present 

Thing ring was a plain silver with two grooves at the edges. It had the word “peace” written in the middle and it was very “Harry.” The edges were the groves began had a darker outline and it made the ring look almost black sometimes. In other words after Harry and Louis had caught back up with the boys that night on valentines day, everyone had noticed Harry sporting his new ring, but no one had any concrete proof of what it was. 

Louis was incredibly surprised to find Harry still wearing it. Dumbfounded even. 

Louis looked down at his own hand. His middle right finger had a red mark on it from where he’d never taken his off the past 2 years. As a matter of fact, it was only the other week that Louis decided he was going to get over himself and take it off. 

Seeing Harry still wearing it make his heart ache a little. But he would never let the brunette get to him. Not not ever. He’d let it happen once and he’d been accused of cheating. Harry never even cared to listen to his explanation and to this day he felt blamed for not finishing the last few days of tour before their break up. He knew that it was actually a numerous amount of things that had accounted to the sudden hiatus but he still blamed himself anyway. 

Self pity seemed to be the only thing Louis was good at these days. And it didn’t seem like Harry was doing much better.


	8. I know you're saying you don't wanna hurt me Well, maybe you should show a little mercy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took ages but it's lengthy hopefully that makes up for my terribly late updating skills. 
> 
> -Enjoy-

“I’m going to head off” Harry said as he unbuttoned his last buttons of his mint shirt, and pulling a jumper over. 

“Are you sure?” Sarah said popping her head round the door. 

“100%” Harry replied. 

She smiled, “Janine was asking for you.” 

“Who?” Harry asked confused. 

“The model you were talking to…” Sarah reminded jogging his memory a little.

“Yea I’m out, she’s all yours.” Harry joked, quickly moving his things and trying to pack his suit as neatly as possible. 

“Nah nah nah, I’m as straight as they come” Sarah teased back. 

“We’re all a little bit gay aren’t we?” Harry replied, it was very typical of him to say something like this. 

“Re fraise that, you’re only gay for him.” She said pointing to where Louis was standing outside in the lounge area. 

“Now Sarah, the one thing I don’t do is labels. You of all people should know that.” Harry replied, also a very typical thing for Harry to say. 

“My bad” Sarah replied, although there was no seriousness behind her tone, nor his. 

“I’ll be off.” He said, trying and failing again to successfully put his suit away.

She nodded and left.

“Need help with that?” A voice came moments later. 

Harry looked up from his suit bag and was about to turn the person away before looking up once more. 

“Uh, no thanks.” Harry said softly. 

“Are you sure because you don’t look like you’re handling it very well.” The person said back. 

“I’m fine Eleanor” Harry snapped.

“Oh so you do remember me.” Eleanor said raising an eyebrow. 

“How could I forget you.” Harry grumbled. 

“That’s not a very polite way of talking” she joked and he begrudgingly have her a small smile. 

“I’m a bit tired. My jet lag has kicked in and I’ve never done well, you can ask lo- you can uh…” 

“Ask Louis?” She asked, and he nodded. “It must be bad if you can’t even say his name. 

“You have no idea.” He scoffed. 

“El- Eleanor, oh there you are, I think I’m going to leave, but I don’t mind if you st-“ 

“I was just having a chat with Harry, continue talking babe, I’m all ears.” 

“Never mind” Louis mumbled, turning away. 

“Well then, seeing as it’s that hard to talk to your ex bo- band member, I’ll leave.” Harry burst out shoving his suit in its bag, his previous worries of crinkling it gone. He proceeded to storm out, slamming the door behind him. 

So much for being civil and not acting like a drama queen. Mind you Harry was always a drama queen. That time Louis cut his foot on a sea urchin during X factor he completely over reacted and when Louis came back from the hospital he hugged the blue eyed boy like it was the last time he’d see him. 

“Harry your phone…” Eleanor called, but he was gone. 

____________

The feeling that you get when someone who was once so close to you doesn’t even want to look at you, is horrible. It burned in Harry’s chest, the feeling of not being wanted by someone you will always love. It hurt more than he could ever have imagined. He always thought Louis would be his forever. Yes it was cheesy and stupid but when you’re in an industry working a job that involves lots of traveling and barely any home time, he thought it was perfect having Louis with him, doing the same job and constantly being there for him. 

He never thought he’d never see him again let alone two years later in Shanghai of all places. 

It had begun to drizzle lightly and Harry walked a little faster as the night began to grow older, getting darker. Yet it was still hot. Coming from a place like England, Harry had never understood why it was still hot in the middle of winter. When it was winter he just wanted cold. Though it seemed Louis brought all the cold with him. The cold looks, the cold heart and the cold silence. He’s really brought the full package. 

Harry shook his head speeding up as he saw the hotel in sight. All he wanted right now was a hot cup of Yorkshire tea and his bed. Not a hotel bed, not his LA bed, not even his London bed, no he wanted his bed at home. And 2 years ago he would’ve said that home was wherever Louis was.

Things change. 

No he wanted his bed back in Holmes Chapel where no one would disturb him because his mother would kick up a storm if anyone tried to wake him. He wanted to be back on familiar soil with a hot cup of the tea Louis used to make so perfectly, but instead the only source of comfort he had at the moment was his hotel room and the Yorkshire tea that wasn’t quite right. 

___________

“I’m not having this discussion Eleanor leave me alone” Louis yelled. 

“Not until you explain.” 

“Explain what?” 

“Why you seem to have some kind of emotional connection with him” she yelled back. 

“I don’t” Louis argued weakly. 

“Cut the crap Louis” she snapped. 

He looked down, feeling guilty. 

“Ever wonder why Simon hired you?” Louis asked. 

“Explain to me why Harry looks at you like you tore his world apart Louis” Eleanor shouted. 

“It’s because I did tear his world apart!” He yelled back. “Listen to me!”

“Fine, and no I haven’t wondered why Simon hired me, I assumed it made your publicity shoot through the roof.” She replied. 

“No El, it was because Harry and I were together. We were in a relationship and the fans began to see it, they began to notice as well. Simon said a gay relationship in the group would ruin us so he hired you. Then when your contract ended, I thought I was free to be with Harry, but I wasn’t. Simon found me another beard and told me that she would be the mother to my son. All of a sudden I’m becoming a father. She drugged me, and pretended to have sex with me so that even I thought the kid was actually mine. It wasn’t until last year that I realised I’d never even had sex with her. Harry thought I’d cheated on him and we had a huge argument and I shouted at him and said that if he didn’t trust me enough to believe me that I didn’t cheat on him then we should break up. I never waited around for an answer I left. The band was planning to go on Hiatus even before we broke up and Harry and I were planning on spending it all together. Probably come out and get married. Of course that didn’t happen at all because Simon didn’t tell Harry it was fake, and because he thought it would be a good idea to drug me. We ended tour early because every time Harry sang “If I could fly” it broke my heart and Simon told us to take 18 months off, get our shit together and come back. We’re not getting back together. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. Now Harry won’t even look at me.” Louis shouted and by the end his voice was raw and so were his emotions. 

Eleanor looked down, a sudden looking of guilt spreading over her face. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know I wou-“ 

“Just don’t Eleanor please don’t.” Louis started and she looked down again in defeat. 

Louis walked out of the room, taking Harry’s phone with him, before slamming the door. 

The rain was pouring by the time he got outside and Louis quickly hailed a taxi. 

“Take me to the hotel in the city.” He said as he got in. 

“Ah. Of course.” The taxi driver replied and Louis smiled. 

“Rumour has it Harry Styles is staying there. Maybe you’ll be able to get a photo.” The taxi driver said, clearly not having a clue that this was “the Louis Tomlinson” 

“Oh, ah yea.” Louis said, looking down at his hands. 

The driver looked up into the rear view mirror before doing a double take. 

“Oh god how embarrassing.” The driver said to himself shaking his head. 

“I’m so sorry.” he said and Louis forced a smile. 

Louis didn’t say anything after that and the driver chose to keep his mouth shut. 

“We’re here” the driver said about 5 minutes later and when Louis tried to pay the driver waved him off as an apology for not recognising him earlier. Louis left 50 pounds in his seat pocket anyway. 

He ran through the rain quickly so he could reach the hotel and by the time he’d reached concierge he was soaked. 

“Mr Tomlinson, to what do we owe the pleasure?” The receptionist asked he smiled. 

“Um, could you by any chance tell me which room Harry Styles is staying at?” Louis said. 

“I’m afraid we can’t, that would be a breach of his privacy” the receptionist replied. 

“So let me get this straight, I walk in here, you know exactly who I am yet you won’t let me you up and see someone I’ve known for 7 years? Why? It’s not like I’m going to try and attack him.” Louis replied 

“We don’t know that.” The receptionist replied stupidly. 

“WHAT IF I TOLD YOU I HAD HIS PHONE?” Louis half shouted half screamed. 

“We’ll take it for you.” He said extending her hand. 

“How do I know you won’t steal it.” Louis scoffed stubbornly, saying it in the same tone the receptionist had previously said it in. 

“Fine, we’ll call him and ask.” The receptionist replied. 

Louis rolled his eyes, before taking his phone out of his pocket to check the time. 

Glancing down to check he found it was almost midnight. The background looked unfamiliar, a photo of himself wearing an over sized hoodie, Clifford in his arms. Eleanor must’ve changed it, he thought to himself. 

He put his phone back into his pocket before realising Harry’s phone was in there. He took it out and turned it on. Harry’s background was a photo of the sunrise with “always you” written in the sky. The exact same photo Louis had had before the one of him holding Cliff.

And when Louis realised what had happened, his eyes widened. His face turned a bright red. He quickly grabbed the other phone in his pocket which he thought was “his” and turned it on. 

Yea, that wasn’t his phone. It was Harry’s, and right there in front of him was a picture of Louis. Harry’s iPhone background was literally a photo of Louis. 

“Are you alright Mr Tomlinson you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” 

Louis ignored him. 

“Mr Styles said you can leave it by his door. He’s on level 4 in the penthouse.” 

“Did you tell him it was me here to see him?” Louis asked and the receptionist shook his head. 

“Good.” Louis replied. 

___________

“Oh yea thank you I left it at the show, if you could ask the person to come up that would be great.” Harry replied. 

“Right away sir” was the reply and Harry put the hotel phone down. 

“Sorry, I left my phone at the arena. What were you saying?” Harry asked a he began to unbutton his shirt. 

She looked down and blushed and then Harry knew exactly what she’d come up for. He’d seen that look far too many times for his liking. 

“I’m really not in the mood.” Harry said swallowing thickly, as the Janine sat down next to him. 

She not so subtly checked him out as he continued unbuttoning his shirt. 

“Why not?” She whispered. 

He shrugged. What was he supposed to say. 

_Oh it’s nothing, just saw my ex boyfriend for the first time in forever and I’m still in love with him and I’ve never had any sexual attraction to anyone but him in the last 7 years._

Yea, no. He was NOT going to say that. 

“‘M really tired, and my back hurts.” He complained softly, he lay down looking up at the ceiling before turning his head to look at the girl sitting next to him. 

He didn’t know why she’d come up, he didn’t mind her THAT much. But he’d be lying if he said she wasn’t a little bit annoying. 

“That’s alright.” She said back and he nodded fluttering his eyes a little. 

He sat back up. 

“Do you want me to work those knots out of your back?” She asked, and he shook his head moving away from her out stretched hand. 

“I’m not really very sure what you expected when you came to me. I don’t really don’t do one night stands if that’s what you came here for, and I don’t think it would be a very sensible idea for you to hang around me if you don’t want to start unnecessary gossip or rumours.” He said. 

“Well-“ she was cut off when there was a loud knock. Harry groaned loudly and covered his face with his hands. 

“I’ll be back in a second.” He said as he got up. 

“Oh, actually I was just leaving. A friend invited me for drinks at her hotel her names Eleanor you might know her, she’s dating one of the other boys from the band.” Janine said standing up. Harry held back another groan and opened the door, not bothering to check who it was beforehand. 

“Shit” Harry whispered. 

_______

Louis certainly didn’t expect to see her standing next to him as he opened the door. 

He heard Harry whisper something but he couldn’t quite make out what it was. 

“Ooo, Louis, I was just about to come and meet Eleanor, have you come to get me?” The blonde asked and Louis shook his head. 

“Actually ahhh.” Louis stuttered, suddenly lost for words. 

“It’s ok Janine he’s just here for a quick chat, he’ll be there in a sec.” Harry reassured regaining the control of being able to speak. 

"Oh sure.” She replied. “See ya” she finished, before winking and walking out. 

Harry waited until she left before slamming the door shut. 

“Har- ok….” Louis muttered rolling his eyes at Styles’ dramatics. He then proceeded to knock again, and when Harry didn’t answer he knocked harder. 

“Why are you here, Louis?” Harry called, but instead of sounding angry his voice was broken and cracked. 

“I’ve got your phone.” Louis replied, and the door was opened a few seconds later. 

Louis stood there, phone in hand not really knowing what to do. Louis looked up and made eye contact with the green eyed boy for the first time in two years. His eyes swirled with emotion lined with red. His eyes looked glassy and a little bit distant but most of all they looked hurt. In fact all of him looked hurt. Like someone had won his heart, and then crushed it. Like they’d taken it out and hastily tried to put it back. It was broken though and the pieces didn’t fit. 

Harry held out his hand, waiting for the phone. The green eyed boy didn’t even dare to make eye contact. 

“You’re not going to invite me inside?” Louis scoffed. 

Harry looked down again, hoping Louis couldn’t see his red eyes full of panic. The brunette stayed silent unsure of what his next move should be. 

“Can I just have my phone?” Harry whispered softly, finally deciding to make eye contact. 

_________

Louis was getting a little frustrated now. It seemed as though Harry didn’t want anything to do with him. Which was stupid but unfortunately, understandable. 

He was tempted to shout, raise his voice or bang his hand against the wall. That was until Harry spoke. 

“Can I just have my phone?” Harry whispered, there was nothing happy or cheery about that sound. Louis remembered his voice being so lively, so beautiful. But it didn’t sound anything like that. 

Louis quickly handed it over not wanting to think too hard about how he was the cause of Harry’s pained voice.

Harry quickly took his, turning it on and visually trying to suppress a grimace as he imagined what Louis’ reaction was checking his phone. 

“I didn’t look at your phone if that’s what you’re worried about.” Louis said, trying to ease the displeased look on the younger boy’s face. 

“If you’re the Louis I know, I know for sure that what you just said was a lie” Harry replied, shrugging his shoulders and Louis held back a little grin. 

“It’s a great photo.” Louis said, “It’s very well taken. I wish I looked half a good as the boy in that photo.” Louis teased. 

“Fuck off.” Harry joked. “I’m going to change it now” Harry mumbled, clicking into his settings. 

“Don’t” Louis said a little too quickly, grabbing his hand. 

“Louis, stop.” Harry said, frowning and trying not to flinch at the contact. 

“Don’t change it.” Louis pleaded. 

“This is just stupid.” Harry replied. “Why don’t you ask your girlfriend to put it as her background. Because you know, she’s always supported you, she was there for you when your mum died. She came to watch your X factor performance. She was there to tell Simon to fuck off when he made that stupid comment about how “your mum was so excited for this day, but it’s fine because - and I quote “she’s looking down on you now - ” she was definitely there to tell Simon it was such a stupid thing to say for something so raw. She was there for your first live performance of that song. She’s always been there for you hasn’t she. These last 7 years, it’s always been Eleanor! And then what about the other girl! Brianna? What about her?” Harry shouted.

Louis didn’t say anything. He looked down. 

“That was uncalled for.” Louis whispered, as tears slid down his cheeks. Harry slammed the door in his face and Louis was about to walk about until the situation hit him. His tears turned into full sobs and he sunk down to the floor his back pressed to Harry’s door. He curled his knees into himself tucking his head into his hands. He could barely breathe but there was nothing he could do about it. 

Meanwhile, Harry threw his phone as hard as he could hoping it would break something only for it to land on the couch and pathetically bounce off. He put his face into his hands, pulling the sleeves of his jumper up to create jumper paws and something for him to cry into. He fell into himself in a heap, leaning on the back of his door. Completely oblivious to the fact that the boy who he was still very much in love with was in the exact same position as him, only he was on the other side of the door.


End file.
